Mitch Hedberg Quotes - Part 3

"I got my hair highlighted, because I felt some strands were more important than others."

"...and then at the end of the letter I like to write "P.S. - this is what part of the alphabet would look like if Q and R were eliminated."

"I think pickles are cucumbers that sold out. They sold their soul to the devil, and the devil is dill..."

"I wrote my friend a letter with a highlighting pen, but he could not read it, he thought I was trying to show him certain parts of a piece of paper."

"I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. There's a large out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside."

"My roommate says, "I'm going to take a shower and shave, does anyone need to use the bathroom?" It's like some weird quiz where he reveals the answer first."